Newsflash: couples with young children not having sex…
I recently read an article discussing a study, which showed that 82% of surveyed new parents value sleep over sex. It then went on to tell people how to rejuvenate their sex lives post-baby. Sigh. I read this and rolled my eyes….
I can relate to new parents who have taken a bit of a “sex sabbatical.” After experiencing your body morph, expand and stretch in all different directions during pregnancy and childbirth, things just don’t feel the same. I wish I could say that I was one of those women who loved her post-baby body. But I didn’t…and I had to work hard at trying to get things back (up) to where they used to be (and let me say this was first and foremost for ME – before anyone else!). Factor in working full-time and having two little kids. It was like taking two red-eye flights back to back. Every. Single. Day. Result: there was no “mile high club” at my house!
I am sure most parents are happy to see reports like this one from time to time. It reassures us that we are not alone in our lack of desire. That you are not the only one who would rather have 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep than anything else. However, why I do get irritated with such articles is because I don’t think that they should have to exist. We are so effin’ over-sexualized in our culture that we have forgotten that a dwindling sex life after children is actually quite “normal”. Unfortunately, mainstream movies and TV shows tell us differently. The mom pops out the baby and, poof, on next week’s episode she’s prancing around in lingerie the same size (0) as before the baby (who shall never be seen again) was born.
I don’t need an article to tell me that
…a woman with one child under the age of five was having sex about 40-per-cent less than before the child. Mothers of two children under five years old are not having sex at all. They’re just exhausted.
Um…no shit.
or that
…this can snowball as the male partner feels neglected and unloved without sex and starts acting like a needy child, too.
Only natural that he would…
One of the main problems, I think, is that men don’t talk about this. I could be wrong and I would LOVE to hear from some new dads!! Comment below and tell me if you guys sit around over beers and commiserate over the lack of sex in your lives. After all, misery does love company.
All kidding aside, sex is an important part of marriage. It helps, however, to realize that there are going to be times where things just aren’t as wild and crazy as they used to be. This isn’t a free pass to ignore your partner and their needs. Conversation and a better understanding of the myriad of changes that come with being a parent would probably help to ease some tensions. Oh, and a few glasses of wine never hurt to break the ice for anyone either!
What are your thoughts? Do you feel pressure to get things back to “normal” or are you okay with knowing this is a stage and it, too, shall pass?
The annoying thing here is that it seems to be all about the mother being tired, the mother not wanting sex. Aren’t these fathers assisting in parenting, too? And are also therefore too tired? It sounds like the Dads are just sitting around waiting to get laid. In my house, we share the responsibility of raising the kids and the sleep deprivation, and therefore if one is too tired, so is the other.
Totally. My husband is the most hands on dad I know…he was equally as tired as I was in the baby days.
You’re right, it is always nice to read about how little sex other couples with young children are having! Or not having… I don’t know about you but I’ve noticed a pattern of husbands working overtime after the babies are born, this could be the drive to provide for a family? But at least it keeps them just as tired as we are!